Question: My father is very controlling. When I was a kid, his word was law and I had no power. In order to not go crazy, I’d just “check out” emotionally. There was never any point in trying anything (pleading, getting upset, talking calmly with him) because nothing ever changed. I thought that once I no longer lived with him, I’d be excited to be free but I’m not. Instead, I’m so depressed that I’ve considered suicide. Is my depression a way of repressing who I am like I did growing up? He has no control over me anymore, so why …
Sex Education Is a Pure Delight
When my son was in middle school, his school sent home a permission slip about The Sex Talk. Instead of just teaching sexual information as a normal part of their health class, the school had to make it into an event. Not that I blame them. This is Texas. Each parent had to sign off on whether their child could attend the presentation. I seriously considered saying no, not because I don’t believe in good sex education, but because I do. The proposed program was mostly fear-based, showing kids the horrors of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and, of …
I’m Afraid To Be Vulnerable with Others
Question: For as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid of being vulnerable with other people, even good friends. Everyone thinks I’m secretive because I never tell them anything about myself. I only hang out with people in a group because I worry that if I meet them separately, they’ll know I like them. I truly don’t understand why I’m like this. Everyone I meet likes me and a lot try to be my friend. But the only time I go anywhere is when people invite me. I never invite people to do things, no matter how much I …
The Shrink Next Door is a Cautionary Tale
Mental healthcare is still a profession shrouded in mystery. As a psychologist, two questions I get asked a lot are: “Don’t you just listen to people all day?” and “Isn’t therapy only for people who don’t have friends?” For the record: no and no. I do a lot more than listen and I’m not a paid friend (which sounds creepy). But I get it. People don’t understand how counseling works. I don’t blame them because, quite frankly, it’s a complicated process. There’s no one right way to counsel which means that there are many disagreements about the best practices. However, …
Why Can’t I Be the Best?
Question: Why is it that, no matter what I do, I can never be the best? I always feel like a failure even when I get second place. Yes, second place is still great but knowing that doesn’t help. I’ve tried hard to be the best but I can never get there. I wish my parents weren’t so laid back. If they’d put more pressure on me, maybe I’d be better. Even relationships are a challenge. My siblings and I fight a lot, even over small things like chores. My dad says they get along when I’m not there but …
My Son is Angry All the Time
Question: There is something seriously wrong with my 5 year old son. He is constantly angry, even when he first wakes up in the morning. He has major meltdowns, threatens people and is aggressive, sometimes even violent. But he’s also outgoing and has friends at his preschool. I’ve read parenting books but their advice hasn’t worked. I took him to a psychiatrist who said he was probably on the Spectrum but refused to give him an official diagnosis until he was older. I feel like no one’s helping me. This is so hard and I don’t know what to do. …
Is a Big Difference in Age Bad for Romance?
Question: I’m worried about a friend of mine who just started a relationship with a woman 25 years younger than he is. I keep telling him it’s wrong. Other people have too. He admits that he gets funny looks and disapproving comments from people, especially from people who know him, but he still wants to explore the relationship. What should I tell him? Answer: As the song says, love is a many splendored thing. It comes in all varieties and cuts across race, ethnicity, religion, gender and politics. It even cuts across age. There are many so-called “May-December” romances (those …
How do I Handle My Bossy Mother-In-Law?
Question: I am a new mom. I love it but I don’t trust anybody with my newborn, not even family members. Lately my mother-in-law is really going overboard with her advice on what to feed our baby, how long our son should sleep, what kind of medicine to give him and other stuff. This is really creating problems between my husband and me because he always gives in to his mother while I stand firm. I tell my husband that we are the ones who should be making decisions for our son but he still lets his mother control him. …
Why Am I in Love with My Counselor?
Question: As part of my graduate program in psychology, we’re required to do our own counseling. I found a counselor at a psychotherapy clinic. I felt very comfortable with her and thought I was making progress. While we were in session one day, I told her that I was falling in love with her. She got upset, refused to schedule a follow-up appointment and will no longer take my calls. I know you’re not supposed to have romantic feelings for our counselors, so I feel very guilty about what happened. Why do so many patients fall in love with their …
How Do I Deal with a Difficult Dad?
Question: I had a good relationship with my dad when I was growing up but things got bad after my parents divorced. I initially sided with him but he started being nasty. My brother got fed up and left, leaving me alone with him. My dad became really overbearing and constantly pointed out everything I had done wrong with my life. I tried to get along with him but he just got aggressive. I was scared about what would happen to him if I confronted him, so I stopped. Even though all that was years ago, I can’t stop thinking …